top 5 things that make me feel young

1. I still can't drive

2. I've never been to Manchester, Liverpool, Oxford, Bristol, Sheffield, Bath, Exeter or the Southern Hemisphere, or seen a Godfather or Die Hard movie.

3. My wages

4. I still can't rock a satisfactory 'tache

5. I don't get Jazz

top 5 things that make me feel old

1. Natalie Imbruglia's Torn came out 13 years ago

2. I was alive when the World Wide Web was invented

3. Cesc Fabregas is younger than me

4. I've been a smoker for 10 years

5. Warehouse parties seem to have lost their appeal

top 5 often misused words

1. literally- as in "it's literally raining cats and dogs out there"

2. infer- as in "I inferred to him that you might be coming with me". One infers from and implies to.

3. ironic- as in "ten thousand forks, when all you need is a knife"

4. deceptively- as in "the Futureheads are deceptively tall". So are they taller or shorter than you'd think? (in this case, taller)

5. stupidly- as in "you're a rocket scientist? You must be stupidly clever". See also: insanely; retardedly.

top 5 herbs*

1. Parsley

2. Mint

3. Basil

4. Rosemary

5. Coriander

* not including the herb

top 5 awful celebrity baby names

1. Ikhyd (M.I.A's son)

2. Blue Angel (The Edge's daughter)

3. Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee's son)

4. Audio Science (Shannyn Sossoman's son)*

5. Bandit Lee (Gerard Way's daughter)

* Shannyn Sossoman is hardly a celebrity, I admit. In fact, I only know her as the woman who called her son Audio Science.