top 5 things to do before I'm 25 (on Sunday)

1. box with a kangaroo

2. pilot a submarine

3. meet the queen

4. have cosmetic surgery

5. visit space

top 5 awful tory bastards, ranked by hate

1. george osborne

2. david "dave" cameron

3. jeffrey "lord" archer

4. noel edmonds

5. jeremy "c-" hunt

top 5 strangers on the 9.23 to liverpool street every morning

1. mid-thirties jeans and leather jacket guy with lank, grey centre-parting

2. short, slightly rotund woman with selection of nice skirts and too much make-up

3. late twenties slacker guy with a hoody for every occasion

4. 9-foot tall gormless guy whose clothes seem to all come from next

5. mildly boss-eyed lady who has to run to make it every single day

top 5 long forgotten fads of the naughties

1. crazy frog

2. minidisc

3. the atkins

4. friends reunited

5. lists of cultural phenomena. what? oh.

top 5 new years resolutions i've already broken

1. to write this blog every day

2. to use the "c" word less

3. reduce overdraft (made the most expensive purchase of entire life yesterday, on a whim)

4. no more uppers (lasted an hour)

5. don't hate (came back to work)