top 5 things that make me feel young

1. I still can't drive

2. I've never been to Manchester, Liverpool, Oxford, Bristol, Sheffield, Bath, Exeter or the Southern Hemisphere, or seen a Godfather or Die Hard movie.

3. My wages

4. I still can't rock a satisfactory 'tache

5. I don't get Jazz

top 5 things that make me feel old

1. Natalie Imbruglia's Torn came out 13 years ago

2. I was alive when the World Wide Web was invented

3. Cesc Fabregas is younger than me

4. I've been a smoker for 10 years

5. Warehouse parties seem to have lost their appeal