top 5 things I hope to regain

1. my motivation

2. my mojo

3. my muse

4. my moxie

5. the vibe

top 5 people I've heard of, but wouldn't recognise

1. Dan Brown

2. Banksy

3. The Saturdays

4. Ban Ki Moon

5. Dr Pepper

top 5 things I would like to consign to Room 101

1. cotton wool

2. the watery bit you get when you don't shake ketchup

3. Ryanair

4. Red Hot Chili Peppers

5. Noel Edmonds

top 5 top 5 vibes

1. top 5 made up bands

2. top 5 would-you-rathers

3. top 5 blues

4. top 5 bad omens

5. top 5 sentences that have never been said before

top 5 good ways to go

1. grand piano from a great height

2. firing squad of family and friends

3. saving the life of a young child/ a kitten/ the human race

4. sniper

5. sucked into a jet engine while skydiving

top 5 anagrams of "top five vibes"

1. be five pivots

2. I bop five vets

3. bi vet ops five

4. opt vibes five

5. stop five vibe

top 5 games that begin with B

1. backgammon

2. boules

3. bishi bashi special

4. bar billiards

5. baseball

top 5 England Kits

1. Billy Wright in the 1946 home kit

2. Kevin Keegan in the 1979 home kit
3. Bobby Moore in the 1966 away kit
4. Chris Waddle in the 1990 home kit
5. Mick Mills in the 1982 home kit

and the single worst:

Julian DIcks in the 1992 third kit

and here's the full horror

top 5 mustards

1. english

2. dijon

3. wholegrain

4. colonel

5. keen as

top 5 continents

1=. Europe

1=. Asia

1=. Africa

1=. North America

1=. South America

(1=. Australasia)

(sorry Antarctica)

top 5 awful current top 40 hits

1. Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP- We No Speak Americano (currently number 1)

2. K'naan- Wavin' Flag (currently number 26)

3. Train- Hey Soul Sister (currently number 31)

4. JLS- The Club Is Alive (currently number 9)

5. Basshunter*- Saturday (currently number 21)

* sorry, dear friend

top 5 celebrities I've met

1. Neil Buchanan

2. Boyz II Men

3. Tony Blackburn

4. Roy Castle

5. Basshunter

top 5 fives

1. the high five

2. Channel 5

3. Ben Folds Five

4. the five pillars of Islam

5. 5ive

top 5 World Cup look alikes

1.

Sandy Cohen

Jogi Löw

2.

Alicia Keys

Glen Johnson

3.

Lips from Anvil

Carles Puyol

4.

Stefan Dennis

Fabio Capello

5.

Diego Forlan

Michael Bolton

top 5 nice-smelling shops

1. the bakery

2. cigar shop

3. the cobblers/ key cutters

4. the launderette

5. posh soap shop

top 5 things that make me feel young

1. I still can't drive

2. I've never been to Manchester, Liverpool, Oxford, Bristol, Sheffield, Bath, Exeter or the Southern Hemisphere, or seen a Godfather or Die Hard movie.

3. My wages

4. I still can't rock a satisfactory 'tache

5. I don't get Jazz

top 5 things that make me feel old

1. Natalie Imbruglia's Torn came out 13 years ago

2. I was alive when the World Wide Web was invented

3. Cesc Fabregas is younger than me

4. I've been a smoker for 10 years

5. Warehouse parties seem to have lost their appeal

top 5 often misused words

1. literally- as in "it's literally raining cats and dogs out there"

2. infer- as in "I inferred to him that you might be coming with me". One infers from and implies to.

3. ironic- as in "ten thousand forks, when all you need is a knife"

4. deceptively- as in "the Futureheads are deceptively tall". So are they taller or shorter than you'd think? (in this case, taller)

5. stupidly- as in "you're a rocket scientist? You must be stupidly clever". See also: insanely; retardedly.

top 5 herbs*

1. Parsley

2. Mint

3. Basil

4. Rosemary

5. Coriander

* not including the herb

top 5 awful celebrity baby names

1. Ikhyd (M.I.A's son)

2. Blue Angel (The Edge's daughter)

3. Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee's son)

4. Audio Science (Shannyn Sossoman's son)*

5. Bandit Lee (Gerard Way's daughter)

* Shannyn Sossoman is hardly a celebrity, I admit. In fact, I only know her as the woman who called her son Audio Science.

top 5 movie robots

1. Johnny 5

2. Gort

3. Dot Matrix

4. Wall-e

5. Edward Scissorhands

top 5 hymns

1. I Vow To Thee My Country

2. Guide Me O Thou Great Redeemer

3. Holiday Hymn*

4. Hymn for the Cigarettes*

5. Battle Hymn for Children*

* Not actual hymns, they are by Orange Juice, Hefner and The Faint respectively. I don't not hate enough proper hymns to make a top 5.

top 5 famous people I'm glad aren't my uncle

1. Noel Edmonds

2. Robert Mugabe

3. Jim Davidson

4. Timmy Mallett

5. Bono

top 5 famous people I wish were my uncle

1. Jim Broadbent

2. Brian Eno

3. Roy Hodgson

4. Tom Hanks

5. Michael Buerk

top 5 orange flavoured fizzy drinks

1. Orangina

2. Fanta

3. Tango

4. Sunkist

5. San Pellegrino Aranciata

top 5 things i learned in Texas

1. mmmmm queso

2. it's a surprisingly green and pretty place

3. driving speedboats is jolly good fun

4. it's only been a united state since 1848

5. all cinemas should serve food and booze to your seat

top 5 Nordic countries

1. Sweden

2. Norway

3=. Iceland

3=. Denmark

5. Finland

top 5 mustachioed celebrities

1. Giorgio Moroder

2. Tom Selleck

3. Salvador Dali

4. David Niven

5. Burt Reynolds

top 5 pretenders

1. Chrissie Hynde

2. Perkin Warbeck

3. Freddie Mercury

4. Lambert Simnel

5. Dave Grohl

top 5 people who have vanished

1. Amelia Earhart

2. Richey Edwards

3. Richard Bingham, 7th Earl of Lucan

4. the crew of the Marie Celeste

5. Anastasia Romanov

top 5 007s

1. Roger Moore

2. Timothy Dalton

3. Sean Connery

4. George Lazenby

5. Pierce Brosnan

top 5 topical bands

1. Volcano, I'm Still Excited!!

2. Ash

3. Air France

4. Train

5. The Cars

top 5 things to do today if you live in the countryside

1. befriend an animal*

2. write to your MP

3. have a romp in a meadow with a farmhand

4. do a bit of digging

5. get high and try not to die of boredom

*be sure to keep it strictly platonic, no matter how bored and lonely you are

top 5 things you go through

1. doorways

2. tunnels

3. acrimonious divorce

4. puberty

5. the keyhole

top 5 horrible sounding foods

1. toad in the hole

2. grits

3. asparagus

4. bulgur

5. clotted cream

top 5 avian 'did you know's*

1. bird's can fly, but flies can't bird

2. there are over 100 types of bird, and they all have wings and lay eggs

3. however, only 1 type of bird rhymes with carrot- the parrot

4. the seagull is widely recognised as the meanest bird, as long as you're not counting Anne Robinson

5. birds are thought to have evolved directly from single-celled organisms, like all other organic life on earth

* ie, bird facts

top 5 modes of transport of the future

1. Segway

2 .Hoverboard

3. Sinclair C5

4. Jetpack

5. Teleportation